


You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammal(-shaped being)s

by LollyHolly99



Series: As-Yet Untitled A/C Job Switch Series [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Bad Dirty Talk, Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Come Eating, Crowley Has Two Penises (Good Omens), Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Cunnilingus, Demon Aziraphale (Good Omens), Dirty Talk, M/M, Other, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Apocalypse, Smut, Top Crowley (Good Omens), Vaginal Sex, failed attempts at double penetration, i mean. sexy mouse-eating comparisons. take that as you will, weird dirty talk. let's go with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LollyHolly99/pseuds/LollyHolly99
Summary: Crowley spices up one sexy session with Aziraphale with some inspiration he got from their shared mischief.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: As-Yet Untitled A/C Job Switch Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600453
Comments: 6
Kudos: 98





	You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammal(-shaped being)s

**Author's Note:**

> so! inspiration (and a hint of horny) struck me while I was planning out chapter 7 of [my role switch-y fic, The Old Switcheroo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20895485/chapters/49670381), and after however long of having the concept in my head, I've gotten this porn done B) instead of finishing said role switch fic and/or the other thing I haven't updated in foreverB) B) B)
> 
> this will probably be better if you've already read TOS but if you rly don't wanna then to clear up some potential confusions:  
> -Crowley is an angel again, Aziraphale Fell and is a demon now  
> -they've been trying to cause as much mischief as possible out of spite bc these new jobs were sprung on them out of nowhere  
> -in one instance Aziraphale decided that since every other demon gets a creature (Hastur - frog, Crowley - snake, Beelzebub - flies, etc) then why shouldn't he?? and he bugged Hell w/ a list of potential animals he could be given and excuse you where is his animal already????  
> -also Crowley uses 'Zira' as an alternative to 'Angel' for a nickname bc y'know....it's not exactly accurate anymore...
> 
> anyways the only reason I've not ended up too embarrassed to post this is bc it's like 2am as I write this and therefore my inhibitions are out the fuckin window \o/ hope y'all enjoy <3

"Y'know, Zira," Crowley says in between attentive kisses pressed to Aziraphale's lips and neck. His voice is sultry, and his unclothed body pins the demon's own to the bed in the flat above a certain bookshop. "I've been thinking about that list of animals you made. Which one would be the best fit for you, now that you've Fallen."

" _Oh_ ," Aziraphale sighs, eyes fluttering closed, as Crowley sucks hard enough on the skin of his neck to leave a mark that he'll surely find later on. "...Interesting..."

"Well?" the angel prompts. He's still unrelenting in his ministrations, as though simultaneously trying to make Aziraphale lose himself in sensation while also being lucid enough to answer. "Aren't you gonna ask me what it is?"

" _Mmh_... what is it, dear?"

Crowley pauses. "A mouse."

Aziraphale looks up at him through intrigued, half-lidded eyes. "A... a mouse?" he repeats.

"Yeah, a mouse. Don't you think?"

"I..." he pants, missing Crowley's mouth on him already. "Yes, I suppose?"

"I mean, think about, say... the Bastille. Risked your life for a bit of food, like a mouse headed straight for a trap. And look at this..." Crowley says, and trails a hand down Aziraphale's thigh before gently gliding it over the mound of Aziraphale's Effort for the evening, his fingers resting on the cute, plush lips he's conjured up.

Aziraphale sighs again, more deeply than the last time, at the touch. " _Crowley_..."

"Mhm, as I expected - just look at _that_. Look at _you_. So pleased. Like a mouse that's just got his little paws on the cheese he's after."

Crowley grazes a single finger just barely between his lover's lips, feeling the wetness already leaking from him, then pulls his hand away. Aziraphale, being as sensitive as he is, whines at the simple, bare-bones touch and the swift loss of it, and frowns at Crowley.

"Darling, _dear_... _mph_..."

"...But at what cost, little mouse?"

Aziraphale perks up at the question. "Wh... pardon?"

"Well, I may be an angel again, but I'm still a serpent. A snake." Crowley lets his forked tongue loll out for emphasis. "In fact, I'm _the_ snake. Lots of humans, they think of snakes, they think of me. Or, y'know, their interpretation of what I did back in Eden."

Aziraphale swallows hard. Crowley's eyes - another reminder of his serpentine nature, golden and slitted - are aimed directly at his own. If he had to describe what he saw in them, he'd say... _hunger_.

"And you know what snakes do to mice, right, Zira?"

Aziraphale glances away, unable to keep up the eye contact with all the intensity of it. "I... I can't say that I do, I'm afraid."

Crowley leans in close, close enough that Aziraphale can feel the warmth of his breath on the side of his face, and murmurs in the demon's ear. "Snakes _eat_ mice. They're their natural predators, they are."

"Ah... I see."

Crowley licks a stripe up Aziraphale's neck, over the mark he's made, and the sensation of the angel's cooling saliva on Aziraphale's hot skin makes him shiver and whine again, louder this time, needier.

"Hmhm..." Crowley chuckles quietly to himself. "Is that a squeak I hear, little mouse?"

Aziraphale doesn't get a chance to respond to the question before his partner has a hand back between his legs, teasing over his hole and clit. His hips twitch involuntarily, seeking more, but Crowley's hand is too controlled to allow for that.

" _A-ahh, Crowley_..."

"That's right, my sweet mouse, squeak more for me."

Aziraphale would comment on that, too, were Crowley not just swift enough in pressing a kiss to his lips. He practically slithers as he shifts backwards and pushes Aziraphale's legs further apart than they're already spread for even better access. It disorients him just a tad.

"Just _look_ at you," Crowley repeats. "Plump little creature, what a meal you'll make..."

Crowley leans forward, coming face to face with the pretty, wet entrance before him and very deliberately licking his lips. He takes both hands, then, and runs them up and down the thick thighs on either side of him, then allows them to firmly settle on them, keeping Aziraphale's legs separated for his upcoming plans.

"...Might I have a taste?"

Aziraphale breathes out shakily as he shapes his answer in his throat, which comes out in the form of "P- _please_ , yes, dearest, please do..."

With the confirmation given, Crowley wastes no time in getting his mouth on Aziraphale's cunt and exploring every reachable inch of it with his tongue. Even in his eagerness, though, he savours his figurative meal when he gets it. A contented hum escapes him as he first pushes his tongue inside, which vibrates through the demon and draws from him an answering moan.

Aziraphale can't help, then, how he releases his grip on the sheets he'd inadvertently been tightly holding onto, and threads his fingers into the soft, ginger locks of Crowley's hair. To ground himself or to direct the angel towards giving him _more_ , he doesn't know, but he doesn't think too hard on his own motivations - he _can't_ , really, with his head swimming with desire. He doesn't have a reason to ponder on it, either, not when what mental effort he could expend is better used acknowledging the magic Crowley's working with his tongue.

He lets out a whine again, when he notices the slippery appendage withdrawing from him, but cuts himself off with a yelp as Crowley starts flicking his tongue over his clit instead. He'd be squirming at the lightning that that sends through his body, were it not for Crowley's firm hold on him and his own hold on his lover's hair keeping all his limbs occupied. He settles on letting his pleasure be known through a loud moan instead.

Then, Crowley puts his lips over the little pink button and sucks, which pushes Aziraphale over into practically screaming instead. He pulls back with a chuckle, and goes right back to licking at the clit in front of him, catching it in the gap where the fork in his tongue begins as he does so.

It's not long before Aziraphale is rolling his hips - as best as he can, considering his lust-clouded head and the angel holding him down by the thighs - and repeating Crowley's name like a prayer as he finds himself barrelling ever closer to his peak. The hand fisted in Crowley's hair tightens its grip, and doesn't mean to push his face closer, his tongue deeper, but it does anyway.

A few more seconds of harsh, but still oh-so delicate treatment from the writhing tongue inside and over him and he comes, crying out and twitching harshly, and riding the high of his orgasm as it washes over him. Crowley works him through it until the grip of the demon's soft hands loosens again, wherein he sits back up and cleans up the juices from around his mouth with a few circular swipes of his tongue.

"Delicious," Crowley says, while Aziraphale's still panting. "A marvellous appetiser."

Aziraphale blinks, just having found his way back to Earth. "A... appetiser?"

Crowley leans over him before he answers with his own question. "Up for the main course, Zira?"

"Ah," Aziraphale sighs. "Absolutely, dear - let me just... have a moment, if that's quite alright."

"Perfectly, my mouse."

Aziraphale's the one to giggle this time, at the name, and he pulls down Crowley for a kiss, to have his whole body properly resting atop his own.

He hadn't noticed it before, but as he's tasting himself on Crowley's lips, he suddenly sees the evidence of just how aroused Crowley has been through this entire thing. Or rather, _feels_ the warm, hard evidence, pressing against his stomach. Crowley's cock.

...Or... what he's feeling... is that... _cocks_?

He breaks the kiss and glances down to find that yes, indeed, that's _cocks_ , plural. Two, to be exact, one positioned just above the other, both clearly rock hard and begging for touch where they sit between the supernatural pair's bodies. His surprise must be obvious on his face, he guesses, because Crowley chuckles upon seeing it.

"Snake, remember." Crowley supplies. "You wanna know a fun fact about snake anatomy, babes? ...Well, actually, you can probably guess what it's gonna be, can't you?"

Aziraphale can't help but continue to sneak glances at the dual dicks, his eyes flitting between them and Crowley's face. "Two?"

"Two." the angel repeats with a smirk. "If you're amenable, of course."

"Oh, _certainly_..." Aziraphale confirms. His voice is far too breathless to even begin to hide his excitement, but he's been far past caring about that ever since they started undressing earlier.

"Right. Main course, then? Ready to be... _devoured_ , again?"

Aziraphale bites his lip and nods with palpable enthusiasm. "Never been readier, my love."

Another kiss is shared between them, and then Crowley starts lining himself up at Aziraphale's entrance.

"Think you can take all of me, Zira?" he asks.

"Ah," Aziraphale tries to respond, then stops to ponder if he actually _can_. After all, just the usual one has been more than enough for him up until now. Crowley grows a tad impatient in the meantime and starts grinding against his core, spreading his leaking wetness around, which makes his decision-making take a little longer, but eventually he gets out, "I'd definitely like to try.".

Crowley doesn't wait any longer to sheathe the first of his cocks inside his lover. He bottoms out quickly, and their groans are simultaneous when he does. Aziraphale is wonderfully hot and slick around him, and he's gloriously filling for the demon in turn.

" _Fuck_ , Aziraphale," Crowley kisses him again. " _Somebody_ , you always feel so _good_..."

Aziraphale takes a second to adjust, but answers with " _Crowley_... _ohh_..."

The angel rolls his hips languidly, on the verge of properly thrusting - partially out of a need for the friction he craves, partially trying to help his partner prepare. "Mmmh... Ready for number two?"

Aziraphale nods again, wordlessly but vigorously, and Crowley guides his other cock to where the first one is, to where he's pulled out far enough that its head is only teasing, only just opening up Aziraphale's hole, and then starts to push in. He's slower this time, gentler, to accommodate for the extra girth involved. He doesn't get far, though, before Aziraphale speaks up.

"Ah- no, _no_ , n-no, nope!" His bright blue eyes are blown wide open, and he pushes gently on Crowley's shoulders to protest.

Crowley immediately backs off and pulls out entirely. "Shit- sorry, _sorry_ , you okay, Ang- _fuck_ \- Zira?"

"Just fine, dearest, no need to worry. Just a bit too much to take in, I'm afraid - literally and figuratively." Aziraphale chuckles sheepishly. "Seems I bit off more than I could chew."

"You wanna stop?"

"On the contrary, my love." he assures with a smile, wrapping his arms around Crowley's neck. "But just the one again this time, please."

Crowley smiles back. "That can certainly be arranged." He eagerly gets back into position and lines himself up again, letting his voice fall into being something more seductive again, his smile a little darker. "' _Bit off more than you can chew_ ', what a choice of phrasing. It's like you've already forgotten, sweetheart."

"F-forgotten?"

Crowley nips Aziraphale's ear softly before murmuring to him, "This is _my_ meal, here."

With that, he thrusts all the way inside in one go. The noises, the moans it draws from the both of them are thick with need and relief after the interruption.

" _Ohhh_ , my love, yes..." Aziraphale breathes, throwing his head back onto the pillows beneath it.

" _Zira_ ," Crowley chokes out back at him. "Can I move? Ugh, I can't wait, I don't wanna-"

Aziraphale answers with a " _God_ , please, yes," but they both ignore Her accidental inclusion and his plea long enough for him to continue. "Wait... what are you going to do with..." He glances down, pointedly, at Crowley's neglected uppermost cock.

Crowley gently brushes his cheek, having caught on to his meaning. "Mmm, don't you worry, I got something in mind..."

At last, at _blessed_ last, Crowley begins to move. His pace is slow for the first couple of thrusts, but that doesn't last long at all - he can't resist the almost immediate need to start fucking him harder, faster.

Aziraphale certainly isn't complaining about that. Quite the opposite, as his pleasured cries indicate. They only get louder with every harsh movement inside him, and, with the angle Crowley's obviously thought about carefully, every slide of the angel's one exposed member against his sensitive clit.

 _So that's the 'something' he had in mind_ , he thinks distantly.

" _Fuck_!" he exclaims, interrupting his realisation, as a spark of pleasure shoots its way through him on one particular thrust.

"...Say that again, Zira." Crowley chuckles breathlessly. Then, to coax the curse out of him, he leans back in to bite at the demon's neck once again.

"F- _fuh_ \- fuck! Crowley, ah-! _F-fuck me_!"

The effect that has on Crowley is immediately made obvious. He redoubles his efforts, and the headboard of the bed begins to bang loudly against the wall over and over when he does - which goes unheard over the sound of their shared moans. Desperate for more friction on his mostly unattended cock, he reaches down, and covers it with his hand, putting on just enough pressure that the simple grinding it does against Aziraphale's mound becomes something entirely else.

Aziraphale, noticing what's happening, bats Crowley's hand away, and replaces it with one of his own softer, gentler ones. He wraps his fingers around the nearly achingly hard member, starts stroking it as best he can, and watches, enraptured, as the angel fucks both his cunt and his fist.

Crowley captures his mouth in his own in a desperate, messy kiss when he catches Aziraphale staring with half-lidded eyes at the epicentre of their lovemaking. The pair swallow down eachother's muffled noises eagerly, the taste of the other's lips still novel and exquisite to them even after repeating this so many times.

It's not long before it all becomes a bit too much for Aziraphale. His sensitivity's already hightened after his first orgasm of the night, after all.

"C-Crowley-" he gasps. "I'm - _haah_... so c-close...!"

"Me too..." Crowley responds. "S-shit...! Come on, Aziraphale, let go, come with me..."

He does, a few moments later, with a strained cry, and his walls flutter around Crowley's lower cock. 

Crowley's pistoning hips falter in their pace more and more as he grows ever closer to the edge, then still completely, pressed up against Aziraphale's own, as he, too, tips over, and shouts as he comes. Thick, white ropes of his cum shoot deep inside Aziraphale's tight, wet heat, and over his fingers and round stomach - to which the demon squirms in delight.

Aziraphale continues to stroke the cock in his hand and wiggles his hips to work the both of them through the tail end of their orgasms, slowing to a halt fairly quickly. When they're both done, Crowley pulls out of his partner, and flops down beside him on the bed.

"Fuuuuck..." Crowley breathes out, a weak but satisfied smile on his face.

"Seconded." Aziraphale responds. "I take it that the, ah, _meal_ was to your satisfaction?"

Crowley cuddles up to the demon. "To all the satisfaction, Zira, so much of it, you don't even know."

"Wonderful." Aziraphale says, looking back at the angel with a mirrored smile. "I very much agree."

He looks down his body, then, meaning to try and look at whatever cum might be leaking from him, but instead seeing just how Crowley's seed had splattered itself on him.

"Look at this. Messy snake." he tuts, jokingly, and so very fondly. "Filthy serpentine fiend."

"Noooo," Crowley gently protests when it seems to him as though Aziraphale is about to miracle the mess away. "Don't do _that_. Where's the fun in that?"

Aziraphale relents rather quickly to his lover's half-formed request. "Alright, then. No _miracling_ it away." And then, he swipes his fingers through the fluid, gathering it up from his belly, and sucks it off them.

Crowley watches on, wide-eyed, as he swallows it down happily. "Oh, Zira, you're gonna kill me, you know that?"

"What?" Aziraphale asks, with false obliviousness and a smirk. "Would it not be better if your meal had had its own tasty snack? Gotten fattened up a bit?"

The angel takes a minute to form a response, stuck staring at Aziraphale's fingers, now wet with his saliva instead. "...Uh... So are you saying the snake hasn't eaten up the mouse yet? In that thing we had going on?"

"Crowley, darling, we just got done having sex, I don't think I have the capacity to properly discuss the details of your spur-of-the-moment... dirty talking concept, or whatever that was."

"Fine, fine." Crowley gives up, and sidles up closer to Aziraphale. "For the record, though, it wasn't spur-of-the-moment. Got the thought in my head the second you showed me that list of creatures."

"That whole list," Aziraphale teases, snuggling up to the angel similarly. "And you latched onto _mice_?"

Crowley shrugs. "Worked out fine, didn't it? No-one got put off, it worked... aesthetically? Thematically? I don't know."

"Hmm... yes, my dear. " Aziraphale chuckles. "I do suppose you're right."

And, really, he is.

**Author's Note:**

> gonna be entirely honest. this was just smth rly self indulgent and therefore I had 0 clue how to end it so I just kinda. did that. oh well I cba to come up w/ smth else lmao  
> rly tho why do I keep trying to write porn. i don't know a sex like huh what???
> 
> [Come talk to me on tumblr!](https://lollyholly99.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [Or come hang here in my Good Omens discord!](https://discord.gg/eswJ24N)


End file.
